Tuesday, April 3, 2012

horrifying children, one egg at a time

in case you didn't know, i teach the kindergarten sunday school class at church.

it is one of my preferred groups of children this year.  i mean......i'm a good teacher and have no preferences amongst my children.



because it is lent (for all you non-liturgical church people out there who don't know.  it IS lent. and lent is coming to a close.  oh, and it's the season before easter, in case you were unaware for whatever reason you may have), we have been talking about lent and Jesus and easter and dying on the cross and taking away sins and so on and so forth.  and while any of my kids can tell you lent starts on ash wednesday, is 40 days long, and at the end is holy week which begins with palm sunday when Jesus rode a donkey and then there's maundy thursday which is a funny name and then good friday when Jesus died and then easter when he rose!, it turns out they aren't actually terribly familiar with the easter story.  i learned that with the help of some friends of mine this last sunday, or as i like to call it, palm sunday.

my friends.  although probably not my kids' friends.

these were innocuously brought into our classroom on sunday, just as they were into the two younger classes as well, just as they've been for several years.  so i knew my kids had seen them before and knew what they were.

in case YOU don't know, them there darlin's are called Resurrection Eggs.  i love me some Resurrection Eggs (also i keep trying to spell "resurrection" "ressurection," and it doesn't work.  lame to the MAX) because they are wonderfully helpful in the easter story.  there are 12 plastic eggs and each egg contains something different that relates to the easter story.  for instance, the first egg contains a pelt of "donkey fur" (brown felt, really) so we know Jesus rode a donkey into jerusalem, and then there's a palm branch because people laid down palm branches and a cup for the last supper and so on and so forth.  they're really pretty fantastic.

so my class gets these eggs, and from the first egg, they don't know what it is or why it's there, and these are kids who can tell you what we talked about several weeks ago and know exactly what's up.  they had NO IDEA about ANY of the eggs.  that made it SPECIAL fun when we pulled out the small leather strip that is supposed to be the whip.  because Jesus was flogged, right?  so there's a little whip.

my kids had no idea Jesus got whipped.  i spared them the whole "flogging" thing because if i used the word they'd want to know and then i'd have to explain it and i'd probably pass out but they all know 911 i think so maybe it'd be okay?  whatever.  i got horrified looks from all of them just from saying "whipped."

skip to our next egg.  it features a crown of thorns.  they all thought it was a bumpy ring.  nope.  so we talked about what thorns are ("my mom has roses!") and how they made a crown out of them and put it on Jesus.  cue more horrified looks.  apparently they somehow managed to miss that detail.

the real kicker, though, was the nails.  there were three nails, and they had been formed to make a cross.  the kids thought there were three swords.  nope.  they were nails, and of course we all know what they were used for.  the kids didn't, of course.  one little girl actually yelled at me when i told them.  i may have scarred them for life.  delightful.


we got the egg with the spear, and they were told that Jesus got STABBED by a SPEAR, after he'd been WHIPPED and WORN THORNS and been STUCK WITH NAILS.   ABJKHIGYTJIEHYPEHASDBJVC.

at this point all they could manage was to shake their heads at the floor dejectedly.  it was really kind of sad.  but then we opened the last egg, and it was empty, and we were all like, yay the tomb is empty too!  Jesus rose!  and then they were all fine, as if all the abject terror they'd been shooting at me with their eyes had vaporized.

kids are funny like that.

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