Thursday, December 6, 2012

in which children are adorable

but really, what's new there?

today, i would like to share a story with you.

it is short and sweet, not unlike the darling angels i work with who NEVER cause me stress and headaches and inspire Wine Time in the middle of the week.

today, i want to tell you about a game we like to play on the playground this year.  and about snappy comebacks.

well, probably not snappy per se, but definitely comebacks.

actually i'm not even sure it could be classified as a comeback........but it was DEFINITELY cute, and i enjoyed it.

SO.  to start, the children have this game they really enjoy that concerns other teachers we bump into out there on the playground and substitutes as well who haven't witnessed it before.  they (the children, you silly goose, not the other teachers) like to lie down on their tummies at the top of one of the slides, any of the slides, hold on to the sides, and scream out "HELP HELP!", at which point one of their friends comes running, shouting "I WILL HELP YOU!" and pulls them back up.  or perhaps the one on the slide falls down the slide.  but hey!  that's fun too.

they also have a game where they enjoy getting the rakes and the shovels out and making piles out of the mulch, and then STOMPING ON THEM.  because what's more  fun than being godzilla?  not much, let me tell ya.

so today, Girl was Very Busy making a Super Awesome Pile with a broom (it didn't seem terribly effective) and getting frustrated when the boys consistently drove their lawnmowers over it when she heard one of her friends from the Very Tallest Twisty Slide going "HELP GIRL HELP!  I NEED HELP!"

Girl was not phased.  she did not even look up from her sweeping to shout back, "GOD WILL SAVE YOU.  I'M BUSY SWEEPING."

as i'm sure you can imagine, her good buddy ended up going down the slide.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

preschool is too cool for conventional methods of showing approval


that's a thing, you guys.

it's a thing that's happening now.

AND it's a thing that i do.

and what's MORE is it's a thing that's happening now that i do that i haven't discussed with you yet this year.


because today, today you get the First Star Ponies Story of the Year.

which, quite frankly, there are several you could have gotten earlier, like when Girl declared that the one mommy doll wanted to marry the one daddy doll but he was kissing the other mommy doll, or when Boy sliced his cheek open on some unknown object before school even started for the day so his mother rushed him off to the hospital instead of coming to school, or perhaps when Girl moved to ohio and i cried because i'd babysat her family several times, and i'd had her brother for two years before her and i loved him and i loved her and i loved their parents and i was Very Very Sad.

but no.

those are not the stories i am sharing with you today.


today i want to tell you about the end of the day today, at dismissal, as we were leaving.

Boy's mother was holding him, and as i was going back to clean up my room she stopped me to tell me that her mother-in-law would be picking up and dropping off Boy tomorrow, and so i'd know who she was at pick up after i saw her at drop off.  then she asked Boy if he was ready for his grandmother to get him tomorrow. he very enthusiastically was.  so, i of course gave him a double thumbs up.  because that is what you DO when the children are excited.  and quite frankly all the time.  thumbs up is awesome.


Boy looked at my thumbs, looked at his hands, wiggled his fingers around a bit in an attempt to get his hands to mimic mine, then gave up on that effort, stuck up both of his index fingers, and shouted "TWO STICKS!" and so, awesome teacher that *i* am, i also held up my index fingers and agreed, TWO STICKS!


that may sound somewhat confusing and difficult to accomplish based on his previous formula of two fingers, two sticks, until i tell you that four, five, and three were the number of fingers held up on each hand.

and it was adorable.

and also?

i will not be giving thumbs up anymore.

TWO STICKS! will now reign supreme.

because i like it.  because it's cute.  because it will confuse the ever living out of pretty much everyone i encounter.  which, as we all know, is how i like it.  and because i freaking said so.


Monday, August 6, 2012

get ready to read, homies. this got LONG. don't say i didn't warn you. because i did.

ok, so, i promised you Wonderful Adventures With Harry Potter, drank a bit, wrote a post, promised myself i'd edit it and post it the next day, then didn't.  for months.


instead what i did was weddings.  lots and lots of weddings.

and they Aren't Done Yet.

also, by lots and lots, i mean three (3).

one in june, one in july, and one this coming sunday.

so instead of Wonderful Adventures with Harry Potter, you're getting Delightful Misadventures in Weddings. which is almost as good, but a lot less magical.


i'd tell you i'd tell you about each wedding individually, but please, i'm not going to do that.  i'll do one or two then abandon you again.  because that's What I Do.  SO!  we're gonna cram all three together here, even though one's in the FUTURE (oooOOOOOoooooOOOOooooOOOoooh!)


so let's hop to it, and then maybe at a later date i'll inform you in-depth of my new-found Hatred of Weddings.

this wedding went down in minnesota.  which was AWESOME.  if you don't know, i luff minnesota.  a lot.  it's kind of my Most Favorite Place of All Time.  i stayed for a week.  i almost didn't come home (shhh, don't tell me family OR employers.  they'd all be sad).  the wedding itself was both awesome and ridiculous, and i didn't know anyone going in except the bride (beth)(former roommate)(she looked STUNNING.  all caps), the groom (paul)(met him a couple times), and the bridesmaid that i was staying with  (gabby)(also former roommate).  ALLEGEDLY, if you listen to SOME people, the best man and i had met before and therefore i knew him, but i truthfully don't remember him.  it makes me feel badly because apparently when the first thing you say to a person is "hi, i don't know you!" and then you bear hug them, you make an impression and they remember you, but you don't remember them because you do that to EVERYBODY.

sorry, joel.  i'll remember you now.  promise.  might not recognize you if i run into you on the street or something, but i'll remember you.

anyway, the ceremony was lovely and catholic so the priest talked a LOT about beth and paul having kids (actual quote? "i hope you populate the earth with children."  yikes.) and almost no one knew what was happening because almost no one was catholic.  oh well.

reception was delightful.  lasted a long time, but the food was good and i made friends with people i don't remember their names (except you, joel, i remember you) and we DANCED.  i danced like a FOOL, because that is How I Roll.  oh,and i took no pictures.  because i didn't feel like bothering with a camera.  actually, i don't even know if i brought one to the mn with me at all....huh.

and then i almost never left minnesota.  and i got re-addicted to caribou, which was unfortunate because there are VERY FEW near me.  and it was all-around a delightful time.  and now, we shall fast-forward to

when we debuted Maid-of-Honor Rachel.  we've seen Bridesmaid Rachel a few times, but this was a new model.  we don't really need this one again (baby sister, i'm looking at YOU)(i mean i love you)(a lot).  it was a touch more stressful than the previously viewed model, although not much because danielle and gene's wedding was (for me, the Not Bride [woo!]) pretty relaxed and easy.  the ceremony was lovely, danielle was GORGEOUS (all caps again.....august's bride has a lot to live up to, CHRISTINA), danielle managed not to cry (barely, apparently....being behind her i couldn't see her face...LAME), and it was awesomely drizzly all day.  OH, and i allegedly made a 6 year old cry (token child reference!).  i also got to dance with him (that kid is the Best Dancer Ever), and i managed to talk him into eating his fettuccine with a fork and not his fingers, and also using a napkin.  the fact he was in my class a few years back and my sunday school class last year probably helped.  miss stone Does Not Mess Around, nor does she Suffer Fools.

OH, you're probably wondering about making a child cry.  i made a lot of people cry.  i gave a Very Nice Toast.  i did NOT cry, but i did tear up, which is a Big Deal, for verily i Hardly Ever cry.

also?  definitely ripped my speech from someone.  have some credit!  16:40-18:30.  that's mine.  and shawn's.

definitely teared up watching it again.  because apparently that's what i do now.  i tear up and i cry.  it needs to stop.

and then it was drizzly out and humid like woah, so my hair was a frizzy curled hairsprayed mess that took me several days to brush out.  but it was still super awesome.

and that leads us into

and that wedding hasn't happened yet, but the BACHELORETTE party happened, and it was AWESOME.

that is all i will say about that.  you don't get any more information because it isn't important.

you CAN know that the impending nuptials shall occur this sunday, the 12th, and that they're super mega fancy (at least compared to the other two this summer) and that super mega fancy things tend to make me all nervous and uncomfortable, but that we (the people of the bridal party) have been informed by the bride that we're allowed to change out of our deLIGHTful floor length taffeta (rachel hates taffeta...makes noises when it moves and when you scratch it and she Always Has to Scratch it Because it Makes Sounds and it Drives Her Crazy) halfway through the reception so we don't have to wear them all day.  i'm pretty super psyched about it.

SO!  those are weddings.  eventually i'll have pictures of danielle and gene's...soon, probably, because i'm going to go see her tomorrow and i'm totally going to look at them then. and probably steal a bunch.  because that's how i roll.  and even later than that i'll have chris and christina wedding pictures, but not this week.  the wedding isn't even HAPPENING until this week is over.  i don't know what you're thinking.  but someday you'll get to see them, and maybe someday i'll even post Wonderful Adventures with Harry Potter for you.

but only maybe.

also this got way longer than expected, and it wasn't even in-depth.  so, sorry or something i guess.


Friday, May 4, 2012

it's star wars day, you guys. that has nothing to do with this post at all.

i don't know if i've mentioned this or not ever, but i might be having a slightly stressful year.  my class might be a little difficult to work with.  i might be a little bit exhausted constantly.


with this in mind, as well as the fact that my good friend amanda who lives in florida managed to find herself in possession of an excess ticket to universal islands of adventure through a series of events, i decided i needed to take a vacation to florida so that i could hang out at hogwarts.  so i booked it.  and i went there last weekend.

and it was the BEST WEEKEND EVER.

partly because not ONCE the whole weekend did i feel that life in prison wouldn't be too very terrible (i feel that way a LOT at preschool these days).  and partly because it was full of harry potter and drinkings and random cruising around florida listening to the slightly nonsensical kate nash at high volumes.

i skipped school on friday.  i called in a sub, and i woke up, and i went to the airport instead of my classroom.  and it Totally Rocked Out Loud.

did you ever skip school?  wasn't it the BEST (full disclosure: i only skipped school once ever before i hit college, and it was totally condoned by my mother.  TRUTH.)?  well, guess what.  skipping school when you're the teacher is even better.  no lie.

i say it rocked out loud, and that's even including the fact that i hate airports and airplanes and other people and i managed to forget what airline i was traveling on and almost had a panic attack at the ticketing counter when delta had no record of my reservation.  airtran hooked me up, though, and it turned out fine.

THEN, when i was still on edge from almost not having a flight because the airports Should Have Known i was going to Mess Up My Flight Stuff, security chose to harp on the fact that i hadn't put my liquids in a clear plastic bag AND hadn't removed them.  quite frankly, i never do either of those things, and it's never been an issue.  i usually just get "ok, well, remember next time."  THIS time, however, they had to remove All of the Liquid Things and rerun it all.  did you know i don't like airports?

eventually i made it past all that, and got on my plane, and i had a nice window seat (i feel Very Secure in window seats give me touches of claustrophobia while the aisle gives me touches of agoraphobia.  the window lets me see what's up below and i have a wall to escape other people against) in the exit row.  wooo.  i also had a three hour layover in atlanta which happened to be in the ONLY terminal without a starbucks and i ended up with a really gross cup of coffee thanks to seattle's best coffee (it is NOT.  the best part is a LIE).

on the way from atlanta to tampa, i did my usual: i got on the plane, sat in my seat, pulled out a book and my ipod, and generally made it Very Clear that i was Not Going to Be Talking to You, Person Next to Me.  this is a move that Never Fails, and i was all geared up to read my book and listen to my jams (all the alone time is the one thing i like about traveling).  HOWEVER.  for the first time in my life, all my super clear signals failed me, and i ended up talking to the lady next to me for the ENTIRE FLIGHT.  granted, she was very nice, and had a lot of stories from when she worked with inner city kids in after school care programs, so she was interesting to talk to, but i very very much do not like talking to people, and it was NOT how i had wanted to spend my hour and a half in a steel tube hurtling through the air.

eventually i made it to tampa, and then orlando, and i got to play the dual role of bartender and nail technician, and i got to spend the night in a VERY strangely laid out hotel.  we stayed in a room on the first floor with a lovely view of the hotel's driveway, because our room was situated between the lobby and the pool/workout center/business center and not next to any other rooms.  the only ice machine in the building was located on the seventh floor in a room that housed only it and a stained chair.  some of the carpet in the hallways was missing, and the elevator floors were covered with that weird padding stuff that is generally used during construction/renovation, but that was the only sign of any construction/renovation anywhere in the building.

the only reason i really felt okay staying there was that yoda was on my room key.  also apparently amanda had stayed there before and said it was legit.  but mostly yoda.

*stay tuned for witches and wizards and magical beasts*

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

today, it is rainy.

not terribly so, and not constant, just a bit drizzly here and there.

Girl walked in to school this morning, hung her school bag up on her hook, took the hood of her raincoat off of her head, looked at me, and said, "it's raining men out there!"

to which i, of course, had to say, "really?  it IS?  MEN??"

and she ever-so-enthusiastically responded with "YES!  i have that song on my stereo!"

of course you do, Girl.  of course you do.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


remember that time i told you about our alphabet books and how they're a Point of Not Awesome for me, because i have Issues With Them?

it came back to haunt me today.

most of our class has finished their alphabet books and taken them home, except for one boy and one girl who have Sporadic At Best attendance and therefore haven't finished.  Girl was working on hers today.  she had to do T, U, and V.  her U picture was Totally was "a guy riding a skateboard on an invisible Unicorn Under the sea."  and it was all yellow so it was hard to see.  it was awesome.

then we get to V.  she looked at me and told me she didn't know what to draw for V.  i came up with violin and vest, and another girl sitting across from us said vase.  then i hit this gem.

i had to look them up, i didn't know what they looked like either.

i told a 4 year old child in my class to draw a visigoth.

probably my best one yet.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

hey girl.

if you are unfamiliar with the "hey girl" line of blogs or "tumblrs" or whatever,  that is changing.  because today, i am going to share one with you.

hey girl teacher is my VERY FAVORITE.  it is Ridiculous and Probably Unnecessary (like most of them), but i love it all the same.  it makes me feel better on stupid days, which these days, is most days.  SO!  here you go.

thanks for noticing, ryan gosling.  it was also on sale.

i'm glad you want to listen, ryan gosling, because i have a lot to say and my family's tired of listening.

i totally do.  you are so right.

why, thank you, joseph gordon-levitt.  i agree.

i like having them in my corner.

i WAS there, and i was doing that!

i think i will slip into something more pajamas, ryan gosling, thank you!

they're so good.

it is, isn't it? most people don't realize.

and it will be appropriate to the situation.  thanks, ryan gosling.

i do feel that way, matt damon.  and i DO matter.  thanks, matt damon.

sometimes it is more visible than others, heath ledger.  you're right.

good chills, or bad chills?

you are Very Right about that, mister joseph gordon-levitt.

justin timberlake, you are funny.  and accurate.

i will TAKE that glass, james dean.

yes i will.